I didn’t run yesterday and I don’t plan to run at all today. Yesterday I did a couple of upper body weight workouts (one at lunch, one in the evening). I’m leaning towards not running at all until speaking with my doctor again on Thursday morning. At this point a few days really doesn’t matter to me. I’ve been “not running” for so long that it really just doesn’t matter. I don’t care about running a fall marathon much less attempting to break 3 hours. At this point I long for the feeling I get when I’m mid way through a long run and that feeling takes over. It’s a feeling where everything is right. I can run incredibly fast and feel absolutely on top of the world. I long for the feeling of exhaustion (which is actually a wonderful feeling) after a good workout. Cycling for 4.5 hours this Sunday made me tired but I never felt even remotely close to how I feel when I run. The most significant feeling I had while cycling was boredom.
There is good and bad with everything. I’ve been trying, and failing, to be positive. These are some things that are positive about this experience:
- It could be worse. This isn’t ending my running career. It’s a temporary break.
- I don’t really think I’ll lose that much fitness. I’ll lose some but I bet I can get it back pretty quickly.
- My expectations have been reset. I was expecting too much out of myself and with that comes disappointment.
- I’ve been brutally reminded of how much I really love running. Running is a huge part of me that I think only other runners can understand.
- It’s dangerous to put all of your eggs in one basket. (see the preceding bullet point). There are other things that can be enjoyable. I’m hoping to learn to swim and I think I’ll like that.
- This time off has given the rest of my body complete time to heal.
- I don’t have any mileage goals for this year anymore. Once I can run again all I want to do is run without pain. That’s a liberating feeling.